Tuesday, November 30, 2010

New Tips and Epiphany about Cheating Boyfriend

Okay so today was a weird day, it ended well though.
I managed to purge successfully again, which is old news but after visiting my fav pro mia site http://www.proeatingdisordersociety.yuku.com/ i realized that i had strategies i totally forgot about. they had to do with hand care and teeth care.
First (and most important!) TEETH CARE.
i find that brushing my teeth right after helps them a lot. i make sure that i dont brush my teeth more than 3 times a day though, my dentist chewed me out for that. also, they havent noticed any sign of tooth decay whatsoever! (even though i've been mia for over 2 years!). however, the most important part is mouthwash, and using it properly. I use a non-alchoholic crest mouthwash, it works well at covering up the smell, rinsing off residue, keeping my teeth white and shiny, and it doesn't burn!
Secondly (important during the winter!) HAND CARE
I moisturize my hands one a day. however, they used to get really cracked the past 2 winters. so when they got cracked i would clean them with hydrogen peroxide or rubbing alchohol after purging then slather on aloe vera or vaseline and leave it on for 1-2 hours. this would revitalise them so they didnt hurt so bad :). you can also use the vaseline overnight if you put a sock over your hand so it doesnt smear all over your sheets.

And about the cheating boyfriend, I've been datng a guy for almost two years now. He used to cheat on me a lot and somehow he always managed to manipulate me back into the relationship. However, I'm done with his lies - I'm kicking him out of my place and am going to leave him for good. We already have a date set for him to be out by. But one thing that i realised about our relationship, is that i stopped caring somewhere along the way. i stopped trying to trust him again because i didn't care. the epiphany that i realised was, that if he was going to cheat on me, there would be nothing i could ever do to stop him. All i can ever do is be me and hope my future significant other will accept me for who i am and not desire anyone else. I know my relationship with him is screwed forever, there's nothing left for us to do to make things better. I found out that the best way to find out if he's cheating is to pretend that i trust him, and act like i never snoop or try to read into his actions. That way, he'll let his guard down and the truth will come out again.
It's only a matter of time until i find up what hes really up to, and its only another 2 weeks until he's moving out.
I'm so close to being free again. I can't wait until I can do what I want and need to do for myself again, instead of only doing what he tells me to.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

First blog!

OKAY so first of all i want to state that i have freedom of speech so i can express my viewpoints here on this page. if you like it, keep reading, if not, then leave.
I am here to share with you my experiences with bulimia and how to do it without killing yourself in the process. I decided to do it so i could lose weight, i'm not doing this as a form of self-harm so if you are or are thinking of doing that this wont be the site for you.

Okay, so now I will begin...
The last few days have been rough for eating. My low-carb diet has crashed and burned for sure. Over the last 24 hours i managed to eat a bag of sour candy, two boxes of nerds and 5 lindor chocolates. So much for cutting out sugar too! BTW i'm a total chocoholic, i need it every day or i get grumpy lol
i took a break away from mia for the last few days cause i got carried away earlier this week. i find that if i do it too often it stops working, so i just stopped. I'm never going to be a model if i keep this up!
One thing that i noticed that helps with purging today is whisky. and i dont mean get sideways-hammered but just put a little in a glass and drink it right before hand. whisky has always made me gag, honestly i'd rather drink 151 rum straight than whisky (even the super-expensive kind!). urgh. i also noticed today that one thing that helps increase my motivation is pictures of supermodels.
Idk i feel kinda lonely on this site, i dont really know anyone here lol so if you read this, and you like it, just keep on following. i should come up with some better things to say as time goes by.